Staying positive through adversity

It’s tough to stay positive sometimes isn’t it? This has been a struggle that many people and kidney patients deal with on a daily basis, myself included. There’s a wide array of things to stress about when you’re going through kidney failure or even once you have a transplant, you have to keep on top of things like creatnine, diet, exercise, dialysis or labs. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, I know many folks in kidney groups simply asking how they deal with the constant stress. Luckily I know of a few things that have personally helped me deal with anxiety over scans or labs or just life in general.

Sleep: Sleep can be a huge factor in how you feel the rest of the day and if you had a bad night or just didn’t get any rest due to stress that alone can make you feel terrible. You need sleep in order for your brain to recover from the previous day and to ensure neurons are firing off when they should. It will definitely be a huge help in managing stress. If you can’t sleep properly then you’ll struggle not only with mental health but overall body recovery.

Diet: I must admit I’m pretty bad about this myself but I do realize the benefits of eating a balanced and healthy diet. A healthy diet will not only make your body feel better but you’ll get better lab results too which in itself is a great mood booster.

I know I’m starting to sound like a boring average Dr that is just recommending the basics to make someone feel better but trust me, after years of trying so many things these are the things that help me the most.

Exercise: Any form of exercise helps your brain change focus and the more you sweat the better you’ll feel afterwards. I have a fused foot and a hip replacement so I can’t run, but I can still walk. Even something like normal chores around the house can be a workout. I do my own cleaning and dishes and laundry so I understand just how much work that alone can be lol. House work, yard work, helping a friend or neighbor around their house or property. There’s many ways to get exercise without realizing it. My dad even taught me just holding a can outward for as long as you can builds muscle. You don’t have to be a cross country hiking beast to get a good workout and I’m proof of that. Also make sure to stretch because that’s very important. Just be careful if you’ve had a transplant, you can definitely give yourself an adhesion around your transplant area and that’s no fun (plus it can freak ya out the first time it happens, feels like your new kidney got punched)

Make your own happiness: I can’t stress this one enough. It takes some time and practice and even then it doesn’t always work. My dad was the one that told me about this and it’s helped me more and more over the years. Learn to realize you can’t control everything in life. As someone who grew up with kidney disease and has had it my whole life, you’d think I would’ve learned that lesson long ago. But it wasn’t until I was about 32 that I realized I can’t control everything around me. I can’t control my health besides a few factors. Prednisone is gonna do what it’s gonna do. I can’t control my kidney function. You can’t fully control many things in life and I think that’s the hard lesson. You want to have more control over your situation and at some point you have to determine what you can and cannot change. Acceptance is a very hard thing that some people never learn. Just like you can’t control how people are, or when your car might have an issue, your body is going to take certain turns and do things you wish they didn’t. So you have to look at the bright side of things. Be happy about the friends or relationships you might have, some are very isolated and alone. If you have food to eat and a bed to lay on every day your richer than you might think. It can be hard when issue after issue can arise. I felt that way after having a second transplant, then cancer only months later, then a hip replacement the year after that, then my foot falling apart. It gets to me sure, but I try to make an active effort to list out the good things. I might be in pain everyday, I might have stress factors nobody around me understands. Trust me I get it. But your mind, body and soul will thank you for staying positive with a good outlook. If you get in that pit of self pity and feeling like everything just sucks all around you then you’ll legitimately feel that way. It is kind of a choice when you boil it down, do you feed the part of your brain that’s negative, scared, upset, stressed? Or at least try to see the good. I for one am happy I’m not on dialysis after knowing many now who have to deal with that on a constant basis. At least I still have both of my legs and arms. At least I have incredible friends who are always there for me no matter what they’re going through themselves. At least I have both of my parents whom I can’t imagine life without. Those are all things you can never buy in a store. Almost everytime I start getting down these days, I always repeat to myself at least I have my health. And I say that as I hurt and stress and struggle on many days. I know how much worse it can get and unfortunately almost everyone cannot truly understand just how well they have it until they lose it. Please don’t take things for granted, you’ll always regret it. So do what little things you can to create happiness for yourself. Go see an event if possible that you’re interested in. Play some music. Clean. Workout. See friends. Play video games. Do whatever it is that can give you that spark of happiness. God gave you another day on this earth so don’t waste it stressing about what you cannot control, spend it doing something productive always.

Professional Help: This is another thing that really comes down to the individual. I personally love seeing a psychiatrist. I’m in the process of trying to find a psychologist. Psychiatry basically listens to you and can give you medication to help manage your stress while the psychologist is there purely to listen and give feedback on a persons life. Either one is a great tool and together they can work wonders if you’re still having difficulty managing stress or depression or any number of mental issues. I’m personally happy at least my generation is starting to do this more and more. Even if you’re someone into home remedies and would prefer not to take more medication they can help you with that too. They are there strictly to figure out the root cause of the problem and diagnose and fix it. One saying I’ve always enjoyed and feel not enough people understand is the brain is an organ just like your kidney or liver or stomach. When you have kidney problems you see a nephrologist. When you have stomach problems a gastroenterologist. So if you have problems with depression, anxiety, PTSD or whatever you should go to a Dr that specializes in that to get help. Otherwise if you leave those problems unchecked it can cost you your job or friends, even family. I was there as well at one point losing friends do to my negativity that I didn’t even realize had taken over my personality. I would be a very different person who probably wouldn’t have had the mindset to even start this blog I can say that much. So definitely seek these guys out if your having problems. I know some people have a stigma about going to therapy and thinking your crazy or something. It’s not like that at all. It’s just like any Dr trying to get to the root of the problem, which can be painful it its own way. But it’s worth it. I can’t imagine going back to the person I was just a decade ago. It’s amazing how much a person can change and grow when they want to. That’s the other key, you gotta want to grow as a person. I am who I am is a cop out. We can all grow to become better than we are today. And therapy will help that if you need it.

So those are the things I try to do on a daily basis. I miss a few every now and then and yes I still have depression, PTSD and stress. It doesn’t go away, but you can learn to deal with it, cope with it and live with it. I still have my days where I’m losing it, upset or angry or whatever. You can’t expect every single day to be a good one and that’s also okay. Like my psychiatrist told me, it’s okay to not be okay. After all, look back and what you’ve been through and ask yourself, who in the world would be just fine with all this? Who wouldn’t stress about lab numbers, or having to go to dialysis. Who wouldn’t be upset after having to deal with or cope with something incredibly hard at a very young age? If anything, you should be more proud of yourself for holding yourself together despite all the challenges you face. Even if you do one, just one good accomplishment for the day, be proud of yourself. Keep up a good attitude and you’ll over time find yourself becoming stronger in more ways than one. I see so many kidney folks asking how they deal with the stress. Well, some days we do and some days we don’t deal with it. It all depends on the day. But there are a few exercises and mental workouts you can do to help. And if you’re truly suffering through all this you’ll do anything for any amount of relief. Just stay strong and focused and if you’re having one of those bad days reach out and find some help, don’t just deal with it. I learned that the hard way, dealing with all your stress by yourself will just make you miserable.

And with that I’m done with my little guide on stress relief. I need to make an active effort to write on here more considering I’m running this site by myself. I do wonder sometimes how many folks are truly reading this but I remember what I told my psychiatrist and she reminds me of this all the time. I said If just one person reads this blog and it helps them then it’s worth it. And I truly hope my words give some sense of insight or comfort. I generally only get worked up to write like this when I’m upset ironically. I need to just write more though because it does genuinely make me feel better. In a world where I might not be able to physically do what everyone around me does, I still have my mind and my writing skills. It’s the best way to get me out there. I can’t make my mark like others can but I can definitely do this and do it well. So since I haven’t written in awhile I’ll update everyone how I’m doing as of February 2023. I just got labs yesterday and my kidney is holding stable with a creatnine of 1.5. I personally don’t like that number, I’d rather it be lower but as a testament to what I just wrote I’ll take stable. I really need my kidney to stay strong right now because my left foot is really hurting again. I see Dr Smoot, the surgeon in 2 weeks and see the nephrologist next week. I’m hoping whatever is going on with my foot isn’t more AVN or complications a couple years past surgery. That’s my big stress factor right now just because the surgery on my foot was brutal and hurt so bad. So I’m trying to create my own happiness, tell myself the labs are good and to be thankful there and just hold steady until I get more answers. I’ll also be sharing this blog and my story at the National Kidney Foundation’s 2023 Kidney Patient Symposium in Austin this April so that should be interesting. I’m trying to network and find more people like myself so I can share my story and hopefully get this all in print or something. That’d be cool. So I’m just trying to focus on the good stuff and tell myself I’ll overcome the bad. Ya know maybe that’s just my thing, I’ve had so much bad but also so much good. And you don’t see just how good the good is until you face the bad in contrast. You appreciate the good just that much more than an average person because you’re not always used to good things happening. I feel like I see the world through a lens nobody else sees. And in a twisted way I’m thankful for the bad. Because without it, I’d be just like everyone else.