You know, life can really be a rollercoaster some days. Even more so if you’re a transplant recipient. My life overall has been fine lately. I keep working on my house and my property. It’s a good distraction from everything else goin on lately. I had xrays done on my feet today. Apparently I messed my AVN one up. To which I’m coping with the fact that it’s so easy to hurt yourself when you’ve been on so many meds for so many years. But I’m only 37. I don’t feel old lol. So it can still be surprising at what happens with my body still at times.
I’ve continued to help many individuals out through personal outreach. I’ve also had a few phone calls for help all from this website so I know at least a few of yall are out there reading these stories. I feel bad I can’t do more though. I want to fix things for people I care for so bad. And it’s the things that aren’t a simple fix that are the hardest to get through I suppose. All I want is for others to not have to feel the way I had to. And still do at times. I’ve been independent my whole life. No siblings. Just me. When you go through a lot of trauma it can really help to just have someone who listens. I’m still looking for that in life. That’s been the hardest part maybe of a lot of this is having to internalize so much and keep so much to myself. I have amazing friends and family that help me so very much. But I still wish I wasn’t alone as often as I find myself. It really can help to have another human there for you when you go through a lot. I had that during my second transplant and I felt like I could do anything having someone else there with me. It’s strange.
But I’ve also learned to be very thankful for each day I get. And I tell myself it’s not always about me. Maybe God gave me another day to help or be there for someone else. Anytime I get down I tell myself it could always be worse. I could be on dialysis. I have good kidney labs ( I wish they were still better ) I have great friends and family. I get to do all sorts of awesome things in my life. I just saw AC/DC last week. I’m getting to build my 68′ Camaro finally. I have amazing parents. And overall despite some issues from prednisone I’m very healthy. So I know things can get rough some days. I have many. I also pray to God and always get through them. Sure things can be deeply depressing at times, but there’s always light at the end of it. How amazing it is that we get to live into a future that we have no idea how great it could be yet. I might be alone currently but that can change. I might have a swollen ankle but it will recover. And for all I know we’ll have artificial organs in the near future and the worry about finding a donor will be wiped out. I have the potential for an entirely different life within a few months. And it’s that uncertainty that can make things daunting or scary for sure. But I find it exciting. I’m happy to still be alive and here to help my friends and family. I’m happy to help others in their journeys. I have my own place, my own car, land. The good outweighs the bad every time.
And that’s all I want anyone reading this entry to gain from it. Keep your head up. You never know what the future has in store for you. If I can be positive despite the bs I deal with at times, anyone can